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PROPOSED COURSES

 
HOW TO TEACH YOUR DOG TO READ

They soon get the hang of it. Of course you must start them off young, and read to them frequently. Novels are generally out as they prefer something on food and cats; books on Lassie are so passe. Try to pick your time and place with care and consideration. And wheras it has been recognised that reading in bed is sometimes detrimental to the love life in marriage, it is certainly the case if you bring your best friend into the bedroom - and he bumps the wife out of bed. 

HOW TO RECOGNISE THE SIGNS OF A FAILING MARRIAGE

My second wife ran off with my best mate, so I am well versed in recognising the signs of a marriage heading for the rocks. Well, Baxter was my best mate so I had to keep an eye on him. Fortunately he was devoted to both of us, so we had a delightful family for many years, and he only left me to join his mates at the  big pound in the sky. Our ten-week course will leave you with the ability to recognise the signs of when a dog thinks he is a bleadin' human. Thing is, Baxter really was. 

Another photo of this developing relationship.

Money isn't everything. But it sure keeps the kids in touch.

 
OLD GITS LIKE US

We are called all sorts of names as if getting old is a crime, or a misdemenour, or just a nuisance, taking up space on this crowded world and helping ourselves to welfare - as if we never contributed to it in the first place. 

But let me tell you this:

Old Gits are easy to spot at sporting events; during the playing of the National Anthem; Old Gits remove their caps and stand at attention and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them.
Old Gits remember World War II, Pearl Harbour , Guadalcanal , Normandy and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War, The Cold War, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing. They remember the 50 plus Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005, not to mention Vietnam . They even remember when St Kilda won their first grand-final - and Carlton their last! 
If you bump into an Old Git on the footpath he (or she) will apologize (if of course they do not fall over). 
If you pass an Old Git on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady.. 
Old Gits trust strangers and are polite, particularly to women and bull terriers.. 
Old Gits have sympathy for Collingwood and Carlton supporters, less so of Essendon fans, and anyone from interstate!
Old Gits hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection. 
Old Gits get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don't like any filth or dirty language on TV or in movies. 
Old Gits have moral courage and personal integrity. They seldom brag unless it's about their children or grandchildren - or their efforsts in the war - any war. . 
It's the Old Gits who know our great country is protected, not by politicians, but by the young men and women in the Air Force, Army, Navy and Police, Public Protection Security, Private Protection Security, AFL umpire protection security - all serving their country.
This country needs Old Gits with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their country and decent values.
We need them now more than ever.Thank Goodness for us Old Gits!


 
 
BREAKING NEWS
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed a while back. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
SAGE ADVICE
As we grow older and enter into retirement it is important that we seek content and happiness, and frugally live within our means - even if we have to borrow the money to do it. Remember, a bank manager will always be willing to make a loan provided you present enough evidence that you don't need it. Take the advice of the Baroness Marie Freifrau von Ebner-Echenback of Austria who one said that 'Many priceless things can be bought'. I'm sure she was an economist. Oh yes, and never invest in anything that eats or needs repairing. 

In 1984, Ronald Reagan, a B-movie actor who continued his career into American politics, said, "The poverty rate has begun to decline, but it is still going up". 
(To have said that the rate of declination was going down would have been just too too much.)